Tres Jolie

You all should might know my body has been a tad out of whack with the pregnancy, loss of pregnancy, hormones, chemo therapy, and fertility drugs I’ve been dealing with. In the midst of all this chaos I have also felt a new level of stress and anxiety like never before. I can’t say for sure that it is the infertility itself causing the stress or the stress causing the infertility. It’s a vicious cycle I tell you. One thing I can tell you is that I have decided to take a different route in one of the aspects of this process. I am not refraining from the typical Western Medicine routines that I have been on, only adding a side of Eastern as well. It’s official- I have scheduled my first acupuncture appointment.

I have always been intrigued by acupuncture (along with other Eastern Medicine practices) but it has never taken a top priority in my life. To be honest, I’ve never had a real need to look into it. I didn’t need it for pain management which is what most of us here in the US use it for because I’ve always had such a high tolerance for pain, or have tried the “mind over matter” approach. Don’t get me wrong, Vicodin works pretty well too. Either way, I just never came to that point where I looked into alternative options. Until now.

My stress, short temper and lack of ovulation have made me realize that whatever it is I am doing isn’t really working. My body is not being all it can be, and that my friends is an issue for me. I need this body to do everything that God intended it to do (and more if I can!). So, on the first day of my 12 day holiday I will go in for an acupuncture appointment for fertility and all over wellness. The Mister will actually be home for Christmas (a later post on that coming I promise) and will arrive just in time to be my photographer for this appointment. I plan to take a few quick snapshots when I first get started and will let you guys know how it goes after the appointment.

“There’s never been an acupuncture study in China with a negative result. What are the odds? About the same as a fair coin flip coming up tails 99 times in a row or a fair investor always beating the market.”  (via The Skeptic’s Dictionary)

I mean, what can really go wrong with something that was been successful since 305 B.C.? (Yeah. Mind. BLOWN.)

Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a twister I was born………………….. Ok, ok. So this is NOT the only road I’ve ever known and I am most certainly NOT going down it alone. I just cant resist from singing that song anytime I hear the words “Here I go again.” On my own.

As we end November and come into month 17th of our trying to conceive journey I can’t help but think of all the ups and downs we have experienced recently. I wouldn’t compare it to a roller coaster simply because in our house roller coasters are a blast and only last roughly 2.4 minutes. Not this journey. No fun and not fast. Would I change it if I could though? Probably not. I know that the Big Man Upstairs (we capitalize that, right?) has His own plans and His own will and I wouldn’t want to mess with that. What if this is just a small piece of the master plan? A journey that is meant to teach us to appreciate our little (soon to be) miracle? What if this leads us to helping others that have been through similar situations? This, somehow, was meant to be.

From the ages of 12-19 I knew everything. I knew I was going to be married by 21. Have my first child at 23 and my second at 25. Two boys to be exact and if I was going to have a third (a girl) I would have her by 27. All 2 years apart. HA! I laugh at that girl now. Who did she think she was trying to PLAN her future? If I only knew then what I know now I wouldn’t have been so pompous. Silly girl. (Yes I am aware of the time lapse between 19 and when I got married at 26. I went through a punk rock, player by trade, marriage is for the birds kind of phase. Just excuse that naive time period please.) Now here I am just a few weeks from my 29th birthday, after being married just under 3 years and still no little one. Funny how things work out isn’t it??

If you know anything about this journey or have been following along, then you know of all our Clomid Chaos. Either way, here is a quick breakdown followed by the newest of new news.

After our ectopic pregnancy in October of 2009 my body stopped ovulating. My regular OBGYN told me that she would only do 3 rounds of fertility treatments before sending me to the fertility specialist. This is how it’s gone:

First try: 50mg - No luck.

Second try: 100mg - No luck.

Third try: 150mg - DING DING DING. We have a winner.

(CAUTION: Words like intercourse and cycle ahead……….Read on at your own risk)

There it was. A positive LH test the morning of a day in which we shared a hotel room with some friends. Two beds, one room, two couples. Never the less this was business. My best friend Farrah reminded me that this was a job. Our job. It meant business and we needed to do the deed. Alas we did but to no avail it wasn’t in the oh so famous “window” or better yet they just missed the bus. However, something happened similar to last month and I started my cycle AGAIN on my own. I know that may mean nothing to most females but to a woman who feels like her body has let everyone down- I was more than thrilled. 31 days, on the dot. Like clockwork.

Now that this has happened two months in a row and I finally ovulated this last month I can pretty much pin point when (assuming I do) I will ovulate in December. (Ready for the zinger??) And when I do, Paul will be in New York. That’s right ladies and gentleman: This process is mocking me. All is well however as I talked to my Doctor who couldn’t have been happier. She was thrilled with all of the new developments and we discussed my options. With the advice of my OBGYN and discussions with my husband, we decided to take this month OFF of the Clomid in order to determine if my body can pull it off on its own. Paul will be gone anyhow so if it doesn’t - then nothing was missed and we know to go back to the 150mg in January. The Doc even stated that she NEVER, EVER prescribes a fertility treatment to a patient more than 3 times in ANY situation………….but for me, for me she has a “feeling”. She is breaking her own rules because she too knows that THIS is the time.

So stay tuned and know that I appreciate all of your kind words and encouragement. Prayers and good ju-ju are still need more than ever and I adore all of you for sending them our way!!!

First of all, my sincerest apologies for not posting as of late. It’s been a little loco at the Casa de Daniels and I just wasn’t ready to update on the Clomid Chaos for the sake of jinxing. So here we are now, I’ve completely neglected to let all of my “Race for Baby Daniels” on-lookers know what’s been going down. Cycle 2 of Clomid (100mg) did not work last month. I did not ovulate according to the lack of digital happy faces around my house. However, a little surprise came this month for the first time since February - BY ITSELF!! No Provera, nothing induced- Just my body finally deciding to be normal. Hoooooray! (I was excited as Margaret in the famous Judy Blume novel!) This my friends, gives me the MOST hope that I will ovulate this month on my third round of Clomid (150mg!). I wont even go as far as to type the “what’s next” options that my doctor has given us if this round doesn’t work because, well……………. it’s going to work, ok??

After gearing up this month to take Clomid cycle days 5-9, I of course mapped out the possible days of ovulation. (This is the part where you remember that The Mister just left a couple weeks ago for FOUR (not three), count them- FOUR weeks!). Our window of opportunity fell a mere 4 days before Paul is scheduled to come home on November 10th. So what do I do? Well I do what any normal baby wanting lady would do and planned on taking a day off work and flying up to NYC for the day in order to…………ahem…. Make ze bebe. The Mister had a better idea and called me this morning saying that he was going to take a few days off and fly back on November 7th giving all the time in the world. PHEW- Could you imagine waking up, taking a test, seeing the happy face- Then dropping a grand on a ticket and calling into work just to fly to New York City for………………..ahem…..(you know where this is going). What a life saver that hubby-o-mine turned out to be.

So once again please keep the prayers coming, the fingers crossed and send all the good ju-ju our way!!

Besides being a wonderful southern belle, my Mother has a way with threads. We’re talking blue ribbon winner year after year at the state fair kinda way. No, my Mom is not the Nugget of Joy this week (although she has brought me such joy for 29 years!!) but these sweet little shoes she made instead!!

I was doing the ol “shop for the anticipated baby” search on Etsy and found a pattern for some adorable little shoes for infants. I purchased the pattern and sent the .pdf to her via email (we live 600 miles apart). Then I headed to the fabric store to pick out some funky little fabrics & buttons to mail her asap! A week or so later: voila’!

Um, I’m sorry……………….Did you not see that adorableness?? I just swoon over these little soft loafers. I went with big bright buttons with funky fabric or vintage print and plaid with wooden buttons for a vintage feel. Unisex is a must because 1) I have oh so many friends waiting to find out the sex of their baby and 2) I have oh so many friends that like bright colored unisex prints for their girls and modern boys. Those feather nuggets up there are one of our favorites. Of course there are still some precious floral prints with pearly buttons for the girlie girl. And my Mom threw in a sequined pair with ballerina print insoles!! Ugh, swoon I tell ya.

Got this cuuuuute skirt today during a successful little lunch trip to Macy’s. It’s navy, cotton, and 60% off. What more can a girl ask for!?! (Please excuse my sleepy little puppy in the corner).

So I’ve been absent, I know. My apologies. I’ve been busy, Paul has been home, and I’ve had some internet issues. Something else that I’ve done is NOT OVULATED!!!! Hmph. Well, there are still a few days left but I’ve been very “Hey, let’s all just get negative now!” lately and have (almost) emotionally given up. Every morning I have to take my LH test I totally cop out and say “I’m not doing it today. What’s the point if it’s just going to be negative?”. Of course I still take it, because deep down I just know it’s going to be the day. Tomorrow will be the day. Yes.

Moving onto a lighter note……………………ACL is in 2 days. About time. I’ve been waiting for this for a while. For those of you non music fans (do those exist? really?) ACL is the Austin City Limits Festival that takes place here in Austin, TX over 3 days and has over 130 bands down in Zilker Park (the “moon tower” party in Dazed & Confused was filmed there). The weather here in Texas has been sensational (although entirely too cold for moi) so this weekend is sure to be a success. Prepare yourself for many-a-acl posts come Friday. And who knows, maybe Friday will be “the day”. I will totally skeev my kid out and let them know that they were conceived during the one and only fest. I’m sure they’d love to know these things.

I ran across this little number when totally maybe shopping for baby clothes online for our yet to be conceived child. There is a TON of cutester stuff on www.theretrobaby.com that I just adore, but this heart onesie that says “Get in here” is just too much. How about you get on over there and peep out their cute stuff for newborn-kids! 

Another item that I’ll probably totally add to my cart is the “My other shirt is a Trans-Am” onesie. Between that and the super duper cute but highly over priced Bob Marley dresses I think I just might go broke!

(http://www.flickr.com/photos/tinavega/) 

Well what a bummer. The Mister (major player in the baby making process) flew back to Brooklyn this morning. Of course I’m sad because I’m going to miss him, always do. But this departure is a little worse then others because our first round of Clomid didn’t work. Although I have about 4 more days of possible ovulation, he is now 1,800 miles away and even if I did finally see that stupid little happy face on the test………… I’d have no one to get down happy with.

So, now he is gone for the next 20 days and we’ve got to start all over. I read a post today from a woman that had been trying to conceive for 27 months and didn’t succeed until her 6th round of Clomid. When I read such as that it does make me feel a teensy little bit better because I know I’m obviously not alone, however it really just makes me sad to know that other women have to go through that too. Either way, 14 months and one Clomid treatment down and still going strong.